Ah Yes, The Arena Expert Has Spoken: A Personal Reflection...

I’m not perfect, and neither is my horse.

Recently, I was riding Maestro in the arena, just quietly going about my business. Nothing dramatic, nothing “Instagram-worthy”—just a thoughtful ride. Now, Maestro is usually ridden bitless, but on this day I chose to check in with him in a bit to see how he was feeling about it.

What followed was actually quite a conversational ride.

No antics. No tension. Just questions and answers.

I was helping him soften, reach, and organise his body. First ride after post-bodyworker "homework" and time off... As a Friesian cross, he carries a heavier build, and there’s interesting discussion and research around how heavier breeds can tend to pull more from the front rather than push from behind.

Pause for a moment and think about that.

If you were to lead or pull from your sternum—what happens to your posture? Your chin? Your neck? You don’t suddenly become soft and lifted. You brace. Your chin tucks into triple-chin-mode (behind the vertical for us horsie peeps). You protect. You adapt.

Interesting, right? Anyway, I digress...

So there I was, supporting Maestro to find softness, to reorganise, to learn, when out of nowhere someone standing on the outside of the arena (who I have had maybe one to two brief hello-passing conversations with, so knew then very deeply — NOT! And vice versa...) felt the need to comment as I rode past:

“Geez, he’s busy in the mouth.”

And just like that, the moment shifted.

Not because of the words themselves—but because of what they represent.

It made me stop and reflect: Why do we so often default to judgement instead of curiosity?

Why is it not more common to hear:

• “Hey, tell me your horse’s story.”, and then

• “Tell me your story.”

Because maybe—just maybe—if we did that first, we’d realise we don’t have enough information to form an opinion at all.

Or better yet, we might realise that what we’re witnessing is actually progress. Effort. Growth. A horse and rider trying, learning, working things out together.

I am constantly baffled by how quickly people are willing to comment on something they don’t understand. I never—never—offer my opinion, ideas, or judgement until I know the full picture. And usually, it is only if someone asks for help (or I ask if they need help first [consent 101]). Context matters. History matters. The horse matters. The human matters.

Because here’s the BREAKING NEWS headline:

No horse is perfect. No rider is perfect. EVER. PERIOD.

And sometimes what looks “imperfect” from the outside is actually something pretty bloody remarkable when you understand the journey behind it.

Maybe that horse was once shut down.

Maybe that rider is rebuilding confidence.

Maybe they’re experimenting, testing, improving.

Maybe that person has gone through hell and back.

Maybe they have medical conditions. Maybe the horse has deeply rooted training "trauma" (prior to the current owner's).

Maybe that moment you’re judging is a breakthrough.

So why is our first instinct not supportive?

Why, in a horse community that talks so much about awareness, empathy, and connection, are we not leading by example?

It’s easy to post about kindness. It’s easy to like and share content about empathy. It’s much harder to practise it in the moment.

For me, it’s non-negotiable.

I take the time to understand before I engage. My students and my horsey friends will tell you—I ask questions, I listen, and I collaborate. I don’t jump in with assumptions.

And honestly? I wish more people did the same.

If you don’t know the story—maybe don’t offer the commentary.

Or better yet, shift the narrative:

From judgement first → to curiosity first.

From opinion → to understanding.

From criticism → to support.

And if you’re not ready to do that?

Maybe just keep your comments to yourself. And hopefully one day, you might be ready to start with the "why" and continue to search and educate through the "why's"?

Because that rider you’re watching? That horse you’re forming an opinion about?

They might be doing far better than you realise.

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Anyone else had similar experiences? How can we change people judgement to curiosity?! Do you have any amazing one-liner responses? I'd love to hear your perspectives on how we influence this shift...

Tomorrow, I'm riding in a bareback pad and lead-rope halter and have fun with canter half-pass...