Finding Feel: Demystifying Contact in Horse Riding
- Loz
- May 30
- 6 min read
Updated: May 30
Understanding, Practising, and Building Softness with Your Horse
Horse riding is a journey of communication, trust, and subtlety. One of the most discussed—and often misunderstood—aspects of this partnership is “contact.” Whether you’re an experienced equestrian, a riding instructor, or just passionate about horses, understanding contact can make a world of difference to your riding and your horse’s comfort. Let’s pull back the curtain on what contact really means, how to tell if you’ve got it right, and practical tips to build a soft, responsive connection.
What is Contact?
Contact, put simply, is the connection between your hands (via the reins) and your horse’s mouth (or if you ride in a sidepull/cavesson, their face where the noseband sits). Far from being just about the reins, true contact is about ongoing, two-way communication. The purpose of contact is to allow gentle guidance, support, and dialogue. It helps the horse understand your intentions—turning, slowing, or simply inviting them to relax and stretch into your hand.
When contact is correct, it’s elastic and soft—never rigid or forceful. It provides the horse with security, helping them refine balance and understand what you’re asking, without causing discomfort or confusion.
How Much is Enough?
Getting contact “just right” is a bit like tuning a musical instrument: too tight, and the melody is harsh; too loose, and the notes are muddled. Here’s how to recognise the difference:
Correct Contact: The reins feel like a gentle, steady line. There’s a springy, alive feeling, as if you’re holding a child’s hand—supportive but not restrictive. The horse moves willingly forward into your hand, with a softly closed mouth and relaxed jaw.
Insufficient Contact: The reins feel slack or droopy. The horse may become uncertain, lose direction, or go behind the bit (tucking their chin in and avoiding the contact). You might hear the bit clinking or see the horse tossing their head or even halt due to having no direction.
Excessive Contact: The reins feel stiff or heavy. If you have to “hold up” your horse’s head or your arms get tired, it’s probably too much. The horse may lean on the bit, brace their neck, or become resistant and hollow through their back. If you feel like you are "arm wrestling" in weight then you are holding your horse in a heavy contact.
Rider Fears: “Am I Hurting My Horse?”
Many riders, especially those who care deeply for their horses, worry that they might hurt their partner with too much contact. This fear is valid—horses are sensitive animals. Sometimes, these worries stem from past experiences, seeing heavy-handed riding, or a lack of confidence in feel. It can lead riders to avoid taking contact altogether, which ironically can create more confusion for the horse. And in some cases, the horse may make their own decision and do what they want—leaving their riders questioning what is going on.
An example of is a horse and rider are riding in an arena at trot. There is little to no contact. The horse suddenly stops and drops its head to eat grass growing at the edge of the arena. The rider didn't ask for this. But due to the lack of clarity, the horse made its own decision. If left unchecked, this behaviour can become a safety concern.
The key is remembering that good contact is about soft, consistent communication—not force. Trusting yourself to develop feel takes time, patience, and practice. If you’re worried, you’re already on the right track—your horse is lucky to have such a thoughtful rider!
Off-Horse Exercises: Developing Feel with the Bit and Bridle
You don’t need to be on a horse to improve your sense of contact. Try these simple exercises at home or with a fellow horsie human friend:
Bit Sensitivity Test: Hold the bit in your hands as if it’s your horse’s mouth. Have a friend hold the reins, or tie them to a sturdy object, and gently “take up contact.” Notice how little pressure it takes to move the bit. Imagine how it would feel on your gums. This helps develop a lighter, more sensitive touch. You would both have a go at being the "horse" and the "rider". You can even have fun getting them to move with their eyes closed (as the horse) so they react according to your rein aid cues. This can be an eye opening experience.
Elastic Connection: Attach the reins to a bit and bridle (off a chair), then close your eyes and gently move your hands as you would when riding. Feel for the difference between soft, elastic movement and abrupt, stiff pulls. The goal is a steady, giving feel—not a dead weight or a jerky tug.
Avoiding Hold and Brace: Keeping Arms and Hands Soft
One common trap is bracing or locking the arms, especially when trying to “hold” the horse. This creates tension, which the horse can feel instantly. To avoid this:
Keep a slight bend in your elbows, as if carrying a shopping bag with relaxed arms.
Check your shoulders—are they down and soft, or up and tense?
Imagine gently squeezing and releasing a sponge in your hand, keeping your grip soft but secure.
Breathe! Sometimes, just exhaling helps your whole body relax, including your arms and hands.
If you have time, definitely watch this video on feel:
Recognising Heavy Contact: When the Horse Feels Like a Tonne
If your horse feels “heavy” in your hands, it’s a red flag that the contact might be excessive—or that your horse is leaning on the bit for balance. This can happen if the horse is unsure, unbalanced, or if the rider is inadvertently holding too tight. Signs include:
Arms or shoulders getting tired quickly.
Horse pulling or leaning into the reins.
Lack of responsiveness to lighter cues.
When this happens, it’s time to check in with your own body and riding technique. Sometimes, simply giving a little with your hands, asking the horse to carry themselves, or adding gentle leg aids can help rebalance the partnership.
My biggest tip here, to add to your "rider shopping list", is think of your elbows as being softly by your side, don't squish your boobs together and have a sponge in your elbows.
Knowing When to Release: Timing is Everything
Release is the reward for your horse’s effort. When your horse softens, rounds, or gives to the bit—even for a moment—this is your cue to soften your contact. The release doesn’t mean dropping the reins, but rather allowing a little more “give” in your hands, showing the horse they’ve done the right thing. (My visualisation here, is letting your ring fingers only, motion forward by 0.5cm towards the horse with such a softness it is life holding the baby bird in your hands).
Notice the instant your horse relaxes or responds to your aid, and soften your fingers as a reward.
Practise “giving and retaking” the reins, gently offering more freedom without losing all connection.
Using little vibrations with your soft fingers on the reins to help a horse who might be stuck or holding on one particular rein.
Helping Your Horse Stop Bracing: Building Trust and Relaxation
If your horse braces against the contact, try these strategies:
Stay soft and consistent—avoid the temptation to pull back harder.
Pro tip: vibrate the rein or reins with a gentle pulsating of your ring finger(s) to encourage a release instead of pulling.
Encourage forward movement—sometimes bracing comes from lack of energy or forwardness.
Use transitions (walk-trot, trot-walk, halt-walk) to help the horse rebalance and listen to your aids.
Reward any sign of relaxation or softening, even if it’s brief.
Patience and repetition are your best friends. The more you reward softness, the more your horse will seek it out.
Conclusion: Keep Learning, Keep Feeling
Contact is a dance—a conversation—between you and your horse. It’s not about strength or domination, but about listening, feeling, and responding. Don’t be afraid to experiment, make mistakes, and learn from your horse. With patience, practice, and empathy, you’ll find the sweet spot of contact, making riding a joy for both you and your equine partner.
Remember: every great rider started as a beginner, and every horse appreciates a rider who listens with their hands, heart, and mind. Happy riding!
Any questions or thoughts on what you are feeling with your contact and hour horse?
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